The world wide web is full of advice, tips and suggestions on how to write compelling copy that will win your prospective audience over in no time. To break the mold, we have set on a journey in search of all things necessary to provide your readers with absolutely uninteresting and easily resistible copy. Make sure to approach this wisdom with a grain of salt and treat it as a valuable lesson on how NOT to write.
1. Generalising is your secret weapon
If you don’t want to scare your potential clients off, don’t pretend to be an expert or throw too much study-proven information into the text. Readers appreciate a general approach to the subject and lots, LOTS of rambling about nothing. Show off your waffling talent!
2. Pull out the most unexpected data
Who was the first man to circumnavigate the globe? That is exactly what your audience doesn’t want to know – and if they don’t care, you have to tell them! Remember to add some completely irrelevant data whose relation to the subject of the text is unclear – this will add some mystery factor to your writing.
3. Forget about proofreading
Double checking is a thing of the past. Once you’re done writing, upload the text right away. Make sure to turn off that spellcheck which only distracts you from producing the mistake-packed content. Proper grammar or syntax shouldn’t play a role either.Any typso (sic) are always welcome!
4. Formal language is your key to success
People don’t like to be told what to do, and your readers are no exception. Hence, it is essential to bear in mind that avoiding direct talk, and opting for passive voice instead, is the way to go. Also, you can’t go wrong with formal phrases – they will help you build distance between you, the expert, and reader – an amateur.
5. Long sentences carry more weight
Rich, lengthy chunks of text are something to indulge and delight upon. The claims alleging the reader would get lost whenever you choose to embrace long-winded sentences are all trumped up. In reality, if you want to get your message across, text-saying it in one breath is what you just need.
6. Simple expressions are everything
Overusing complex phrases and fancy vocabulary will turn the reader against you every time. Going for the simple and positively associated words like “good” or “interesting” will grant you a smooth way to every customer’s heart.
7. Don’t try too hard
Everybody has better and worse days, and it’s only human to mess something up. By the same token, if your writing appears to contain a few mistakes or misquoted data, your potential customers will see you as someone just as fallible as them.
8. Make your goal your priority
You want to attract more users to your website? Or increase your product sales? What you are striving towards has to become your top priority. This way, readers will notice your dedication and give you credit for being a fighter, feeling obliged to help your case.
9. Show them who’s the boss
A little bit of patronising has never caused any harm. People flock to natural-born leaders and long for attention from a smart individual, whom they could never possibly compare to. They like someone who can teach them all the necessary tricks of the trade.
10. The longer, the better
Each text you decide to put up should be long enough for your reader to get the grip of what you have to offer. Paragraphs only interrupt the reading process and take up unnecessary time for the reader to get back into the reflective state. If you ever decide to make a list, remember two-number ones set into memory much easier.
The above tricks are key to producing dull and boring copy. Use them, and your endeavour will be doomed to failure. Treat them as cautionary tales, and your business is bound to succeed. Good luck!